Compassion: The Higher Love

by Miriam Metzinger | More from this Blogger

14 Sep 2008 05:11 PM

I have some issues with the word "love" in the English language. The word, when translated, is problematic in other languages too, but one problem is that in English, one can say that one "loves" something that only gratifies selfish needs. For instance, a person can say they "love" their child and at the same time say they "love" chicken l'orange. Certainly (or hopefullY) a person does not love their child and chicken l'orange in the same way (Although I have heard parents say their kids are so cute, they could "eat them up") but this only demonstrates the problem with the word "love" in some cases. I still use it, of course, but food for thought.

In Chassidic philosophy, love is characterized by the trait of "chesed" or kindness. It is with chesed we give of ourselves, love others (in a real sense), donate to charity and do all kinds of good deeds. Sounds like a wonderful trait, yes? However, an excess of chesed can lead us to give to the wrong people, have compassion for those who abuse our generosity and may manipulate us, spend our energy inefficiently to the point of becoming martyrs,etc..In short, there is a limit to the amount of chesed that is good. Unlimited chesed leads to problems.

Another important trait is gevurah, or discipline and restraint. Of course, gevurah is a good trait, but it doesn't take much gevurah in excess to start to see problems. There is no need to explain what is wrong with an excess of gevurah, as it is easier to become uncomfortable with an excess of gevurah than an excess of chesed.

Higher than chesed and gevurah is tiferet, or compassion. This is a blending of gevurah and chesed. Love is wonderful, but by itself, it can be like playing tennis without a net. The ball can go anywhere and there is no game. Gevurah sets boundaries and establishes rules. With chesed and gevurah together, something real can be created, not just imaginary love which may be only the exercise of ego.

Parents understand this blending of gevurah and chesed. When a child is getting the gevurah aspect he or she may complain and not see its motivation as being chesed, but the result will be healthy. The way to ensure love does not have an egoistic source and can lead to a depletion of our energies is to combine it with gevurah, or limitations, to create the true love, which is compassion.

Learn more about Miriam Metzinger

Miriam is a freelance writer, a work-at-home mom and lives in Jerusalem with her two sons, Schneur Zalman (3), Yosef Yitzchak (6 months and counting) and her husband, Yehoshua, who is a rabbi and i...

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