Love is in the Details: A Rabbi's Story

by Miriam Metzinger | More from this Blogger

14 Jun 2006 07:20 PM

A prominent Rabbi in Jerusalem was discussing his life before he became a Rabbi, and before he was even religious. He thought Judaism was the most illogical religion on Earth. Why were there so many laws and rules about how to wash your hands or what to eat? After all, he was studying philosophy, and was beyond this "nonsense." The one thing that bothered him the most was the main prayer in the liturgy, the Amidah prayer. It was explained to him that, before the prayer, you take three steps forward, three steps back, bow forward and say the prayer very quietly.

"Bow here, bow there, and talk quietly?! This is talking to G-d? Can't He understand me without this choreography?!" he asked. However, in spite of all of his questions, and occasional outrage, there were some aspects of Judaism, especially the emphasis on learning, which appealed to him. He observed the commandments and prayed, but his main attraction was learning Torah. Eventually, he earned a rabbinical degree, married a religious woman, and moved to Jerusalem.

One day, he was speaking to another rabbi who was counseling a newlywed couple who were having problems getting along. The older rabbi talked to the husband about his difficulties and insisted that he take his wife out for a "date" once a week. He suggested speaking to her in a soft tone, and leaning a bit forward every time she spoke to him. The husband said that the result was almost miraculous! What he thought of as mere gestures were creating a revolution in his relationship with his wife. "And so you see," the older Rabbi said to the younger rabbi, "Bending forward and talking softly are not mere choreography, but our smallest actions do build a relationship." There was a twinkle in the older rabbi's eyes, and he was referring to the young rabbi's initial objections to Jewish prayer-why do we lean forward when we pray, why do we have to pray in a soft voice? He understood that Judaism teaches us that expressing love and creating a connection depends on details, and just as we try to make life as comfortable as possible for our spouses, from cooking a specific snack to buying certain kinds of flowers, we pay attention to the details of commandments because they connect us to G-d.

Learn more about Miriam Metzinger

Miriam is a freelance writer, a work-at-home mom and lives in Jerusalem with her two sons, Schneur Zalman (3), Yosef Yitzchak (6 months and counting) and her husband, Yehoshua, who is a rabbi and i...

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